put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
