I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
