whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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