How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
