so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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