what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sober January is a disaster.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
