he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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