I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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