I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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