dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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