oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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