there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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