U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's the barista slut.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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