I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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