she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
