It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
