I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
