trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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