My nipple is on Facebook.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
