I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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