There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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