He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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