smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need a beard to bite.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
