I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
