my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
