i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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