meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
