the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
