Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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