I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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