im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
