The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
