yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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