Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
