Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
