If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
