So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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