im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
