she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
