I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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