is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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