Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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