You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
