my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dicks are not precious.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
