): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
