It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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