glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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