My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
