I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
