Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
