EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
