Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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