My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
