There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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