i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
