he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
love makes seman taste better
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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