I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
