WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
