Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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