He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
